you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Randomize
