oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
