they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
