All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
