The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
My pussy is not your playground.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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