oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
A+ Viking dick
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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