The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
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