everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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