Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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