he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
