Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
