I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I need moral support for this bender
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
