Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
