Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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