Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
