I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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