one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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