i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I FOUND THE LEGS
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
