his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
