She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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