Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
