she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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