I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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