...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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