why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
