Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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