susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
