I think scott just propositioned me for sex
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
The feeling are messing with the penis
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
