All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
