I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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