I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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