iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
