god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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