brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
