morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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