I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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