he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
