May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
