another moral hangover. fuck.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
