is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Randomize
