remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
