Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
