Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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