White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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