i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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