apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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