so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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