I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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