So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
