the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
