the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
of course. lets lasso hookers.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
