i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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