I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
