One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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